#novel #WIP #dasbuchdasdieweltgesundmacht #storygenius #protagonist #want #misbelief > [!quote]- Publication Status > **Version:** 2.0 | **Status:** Revised draft > **First published:** [[2025-09-20]] | **Last updated:** [[2025-09-20]] # Step 2 – Longing and Misbelief > [!tldr]- Summary > After several loops and detours, I now have an answer I can work with. > - Peter wants a life with John in **complete seclusion** – and the freedom to **be a star whenever he wants** > - For him, this means escaping the permanent danger and uncertainty of the world – while still meeting his moral standards and his needs for adventure and recognition. It would be squaring the circle: **He could escape the toxic relationship he has with reality – without having to give up the deep satisfaction that this relationship brings him.** > - His misbelief: **If I use every means available to me to give others what they need – then they and reality won’t harm me.** > - He must learn **that he cannot change the course of the world. That the world is exactly as it is. Contradictory, overwhelming, ultimately enigmatic. And that within this, in the supposed failure, lies the core of living, loving, and creating.** ## A. Longing / "Want" > [!todo]- A. Longing Instructions > *"Now it’s your turn. Write a short paragraph about what your character enters the novel wanting, even if she doesn’t think she has a chance in hell of getting it. The sketch of your protagonist that you wrote in the last chapter may very well have touched on the question. And, yes, even if your protagonist couldn’t possibly articulate the answer, you must be able to do so. Be as specific as possible. Use the “eyes wide shut” test—if you can’t close your eyes and envision it, it’s not there yet."* > — Lisa Cron: Story Genius ([Link](https://rauchundkoenig.buchhandlung.de/shop/article/28982701/lisa_cron_story_genius.html)) > [!done] Green: No Spoilers --- > *There's a place for us,* > *Somewhere a place for us.* > *Peace and quiet and open air* > *Wait for us, somewhere.* > *There's a time for us,* > *Some day a time for us,* > *Time together with time to spare,* > *Time to learn, time to care.* > > *Some day,* > *Somewhere,* > *We'll find a new way of living,* > *We'll find a way of forgiving.* > *Somewhere,* > *Somewhere . . .* > > *There's a place for us,* > *A time and place for us.* > *Hold my hand and we're halfway there.* > *Hold my hand and I'll take you there* > *Somehow,* > *Some day,* > *Somewhere!* > — *West Side Story* ### Attempt 1 – Free Writing I believe he longs for something that hardly exists in reality: **Alone and connected.** Far out in nature, and yet surrounded by love and a vibrant community. **Needed and wanted** for his special talents, deeply meaningful in the lives of many people – but still completely **independent and free**, able to withdraw at any time. In his perfect life he would be **alone** on a deserted island, perhaps with John, amidst magnificent nature, living a **simple life** without obligations, mainly thinking, writing, hiking. And **at the same time** he would be **famous, known and sought-after as an important voice,** wise, warm-hearted, intimately connected with the people who seek his presence. **A high priest of love and connection.** A kind of **guru – but not manipulative, rather pure-hearted.** The truth also includes that in his ideal life, some of the men who seek his closeness would also desire him, very strongly. And he would have a **kind of harem** – not through coercion, but based on equality and devotion. Abstractly, [[Peter Pankratius Pek - Old Version|Peter]] longs to **unite the deep contradictions within himself and to heal the boundaries, rifts, and wounds in contact with the world.** This dream is only partially conscious to him; like ebb and flow it pulls him back and forth between poles. And he knows these longings are unrealistic. But in his boldest dreams, **all boundaries dissolve, and he is the place people come to in order to be happy.** ### Reflection Attempt 1 It’s as if enchanted. I can formulate the spirit of Peter’s longing with crystalline clarity – but I can’t manage to make it truly concrete. And I think this has to do with the story and with Peter himself. Peter’s deepest longing is not just unrealistic in the sense of “You’ll never make it.” Rather, it is unfulfillable, because it is contradictory in itself. But how do you deal with realizing that your actual dreams are fundamentally unrealizable? I think there are various ways, but Peter is too intelligent for most. He isn’t the type to superficially crave fame. And yet, he does. Because he believes it would allow him to escape the constant back and forth. And I think that’s what his longing, his desire, is about: To “make it” – because that could be the escape ticket. ### Attempt 2 Peter wants to become famous. He wants his thoughts – the healing of the inner rift in people – to find their stage, to be shared and published, to reach thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. But in his vision this doesn’t mean he would then lead a life of luxury, but rather the opposite: The status of a superstar would allow him to disappear. Financially independent, so that no one can force him to do anything. Publicly known and appreciated, so that his quirks and peculiarities are tolerated. The image he repeatedly has in mind is the aging Tina Turner: someone who shook the world to its core – yet leads a withdrawn, quiet life. ### Reflection Attempt 2 I think the content fits, it’s just too long. And it lacks the essential aspect. The connection to healing the rift of the world is missing. ### Attempt 3 Peter wishes that all his experiences, struggles, painstakingly won thoughts, and lived-through feelings would flow into a globally loved and respected voice of empowerment and healing. He wants to encourage people to be themselves, to accept and love themselves. He wants to stand at the center of a movement – as an author, moderator, star. And he wants all that – while living a simple, secluded life on a deserted island. Completely independent, anonymous, with nothing but nature, cooking, writing, and the same daily rhythm. --- ## B. Why? > [!todo]- B. Why Instructions > *"Now it’s your turn. The question is, why does your protagonist want what she wants? What will getting it mean to her? What does she think it will say about her?"* > — Lisa Cron: Story Genius ([Link](https://rauchundkoenig.buchhandlung.de/shop/article/28982701/lisa_cron_story_genius.html)) > [!done] Green: No Spoilers Peter does not pursue all this – success, influence, and wealth – in order to be successful, famous, and rich. In themselves, they mean nothing to him. These goals are, in his view, means to an end. 1. **Success and recognition mean safety and peace in a society he perceives as dangerous**: Peter believes people forgive successful and recognized people when they are strange. He knows people like him will always struggle. Success and recognition are for him a flight forward. A relatively safe niche where his strangeness would be tolerated. His guiding belief: “If you’re as different as I am, mediocrity is life-threatening. People are brutal. You’ll be weeded out, persecuted, and forced into line – unless you’re useful and interesting.” For Peter, success, recognition, and excellence are thus a means to survive in a brutally conformist, ableist, and queer-hostile society and to find **peace and safety**. He does not believe he can find acceptance – but at least tolerance. 2. **Fame and influence mean being able to help others, giving his life and suffering meaning:** Peter has fought his inner demons all his life, feeling often that he failed. Yet he senses it would all have had meaning if he found the courage to make his story useful to others. 3. **Wealth means independence**: Peter wants to be free to withdraw, unavailable to anyone. And he is convinced this is only possible if he never again has to work for money. The question of what these goals would say about him matters little to him. What matters are the three things above: 1. **A safe niche** in a potentially hostile society 2. **The feeling of giving meaning to his suffering** by helping others 3. **Independence** – by never again having to work for money --- ## C. Nailing it The thoughts on longing and misbelief wouldn’t leave me alone. In the last days I repeatedly felt it didn’t quite fit yet. But I think now I’ve got it. Today, [[2025-08-21]], I had a great session with my therapist, [[Matthew Bridge|Matthew]]. After that conversation I felt: Now I’ve got it. For myself – and also for [[Peter Pankratius Pek - Old Version]]: > [!important] Nailing it > **Core desire:** > To live a simple writer’s life on a faraway island – without anyone wanting anything from you, but still feeling loved and connected. > > **Misbelief:** > Having an egocentric core desire makes you a monster. > > **Truth:** > Core desires are by definition egocentric. That does not make you a monster. It’s human. > > Caring for others and longing for love doesn’t mean not having an egocentric core desire. It just means acting on it in a way that is lovingly considerate of other people’s core desires – both yours and those of everyone you care about. --- ## D. Starting Over I notice this step won’t let me go. And I feel that this whole monster and shame thing is a dead end. Not wrong – but not the core. So here once again from scratch – a completely new version. ### 1. Longing – what does Peter want? When Peter closes his eyes and dreams, he sees himself on a deserted island, together with John. They live a simple, regular life in tune with the rhythm of nature. There is nothing and no one who wants anything from him. No clock – the sun’s position is enough. No calls, no appointments. He only tends to life, love, and writing. This state of peace, rhythm, and connection is the same every day. Yet if he, Peter, wants, he can at any time switch into another world: A world where he is loved and revered for his books. Where people wait for him, eager and affectionate, because they need him. In this world, he is a star. But not an egocentric, selfish star – rather one who gives people exactly what they need. Yet this world wants nothing from him. It is simply there, and he alone decides when to visit – and when to leave. In short: **Peter wants a life with John in complete seclusion – and the freedom to be a star whenever he wants.** ### 2. Why? What does it mean to him? It means escaping what has haunted him his whole life: An unsafe, demanding, dangerous world that can tip over at any moment. Peter could finally be free from the constant need to make sure nothing bad happens. He experiences the world as a fragile balance. He does not trust peace when things go well. He lives in constant expectation that something bad will happen: - That he’ll be yelled at, despised, or scorned - That chaos and violence will break out, making the world confusing and dangerous - That he’ll discover, yet again, he was deceived by people, promises, systems And he responds to this perception with permanent tension. Don’t make mistakes, don’t anger anyone, don’t attract unpleasant attention. Even more: He actively tries to keep the world stable and calm. He senses looming insecurity with seismographic precision – and deploys all his energy, intellect, charisma, and ability to influence people to generate safety, calm, and trust. All of this is extremely demanding and exhausting. He constantly overextends himself trying to make the world a safer place – for others, and thereby for himself. At the same time, he knows he couldn’t endure the peace and quiet of his island for long. He needs the feeling of being loved and revered. He loves the sense of having made a difference. And at heart he is a good man. It seems natural to him… Even if the world is dangerous – it is also, for him, a source of excitement, recognition, adventure, and deep satisfaction. And an opportunity to be a good man, fulfilling the moral demands he places on himself and others. In short: **For him, it means escaping the permanent danger and insecurity of the world – while still meeting his moral standards and needs for adventure and recognition. It would be the squaring of the circle: He could escape the toxic relationship he has with the world – without giving up the deep satisfaction this relationship provides.** ### 3. What misbelief keeps him from pursuing this longing? First, it’s important to note that his dream is utterly unrealistic. And Peter knows it. He knows reality requires compromise. So what would “pursuing the longing” actually mean? On the one hand, he would much more consciously follow his dream of peace, rhythm, and writing. Move to the countryside. Set boundaries. Write more, work less in projects. On the other hand, he would much more confidently try to become the star he believes he can be. Independent of others. He would pick a subject and write. Simply do his thing. And earn money on the side in the most practical way possible. What keeps him from doing this? I think it’s mainly the belief that, if he did all that, the world would become a monster. That he would be despised, forgotten, attacked. And as a consequence, lose everything. His income. His fans. The affection of all who hold power and influence. But where is the misbelief in that? After all, it’s true that the world isn’t a particularly welcoming place for people who “just do their thing” and stop making themselves available to external demands and expectations. I think the misbelief lies elsewhere. The misbelief is that he has the power to prevent these negative things. He overestimates his influence on what happens to him. But it’s not about just any influence. Specifically, it’s about using all means at his disposal to give “them” – other people, society, everything – what they need. His misbelief, then, is: **If I use every means available to me to give others what they need – then they won’t harm me.** ### 4. What lesson must he learn on this basis – and what is the story’s theme? He must learn that he has far less influence and control than he thinks. He must accept that the world is as it is. Beautiful and brutal. Loving and cold. Explainable and chaotic. A dangerous place, and a space for the unfolding of life. He must understand that there are many things, even most things, he cannot influence. And that this is not the end, but the beginning. Because it allows him to be himself. And frees resources for another kind of influence and connection. A quiet, creative, thoughtful, honest way of being together. In short: **He must learn that he cannot change the course of the world. That the world is exactly as it is. Contradictory, overwhelming, ultimately enigmatic. And that within this, in the supposed failure, lies the core of living, loving, and creating.** The theme, then, is **self-acceptance and world-acceptance**. ==👉🏻**Next up: [[Step 3 - The Origin of the Misbelief]] --- ![[Links & License#^c7e67d]]