Start: [[2025-07-25]] Published: [[2025-07-26]] Updated: [[2025-07-28]] > [!todo]- Prompt > *"Now it’s your turn. In no more than a page, write about the instant the idea that you’re working with—the one that won’t seem to leave you alone—first grabbed you."* > — Lisa Cron: *Story Genius* ([Link](https://rauchundkoenig.buchhandlung.de/shop/article/28982701/lisa_cron_story_genius.html)) > [!tldr]- **Summary:** The moment the idea was born > When I realized at age 45 that I am AuDHD[^g1], I knew I wanted to write the book my younger self would have needed—before it was too late to escape the “Old Emperor City”[^g2]. Because I had been a traveler to Phantásien all my life. And I knew: I had to return from Phantásien, to heal both worlds. At least a little. > [!done] Green: No Spoilers --- > *“There are people who can never get to Phantásien,” said Mr. Koreander. “And there are people who can, but they stay there forever. And then there are a few who go to Phantásien and come back again. Like you. And they make both worlds well.”* > — Michael Ende: *The NeverEnding Story* ([Link](https://rauchundkoenig.buchhandlung.de/shop/article/52644885/michael_ende_die_unendliche_geschichte.html)) --- **At 45, I discovered that I am AuDHD[^g1]: a massive plot twist that fundamentally shook what I believed about myself.** The self-proclaimed Mr. Empathy turned out to be a guest on a planet that would always feel alien. The structured and sorted Mr. Analytics was in fact a forgetful chaos agent, toppling any system with flair. And the supposedly “fully processed” personality expert—like everyone else—had completely missed this core configuration for 45 years, even though it explained everything. **I wanted—and still want—to write the book my younger self should have read to make sense of it all and begin taking care of himself.** But I knew: he would have dismissed this information if I’d merely explained it. He had to *experience* it—by immersing himself in the world of a protagonist. The story of a man who escapes an unbearable reality into the dreamworld of his fantasies—only to learn: you always take yourself with you. **I quickly realized that this was why Bastian’s journey in *The NeverEnding Story* had touched me so deeply since childhood.** I even made it an autistic special interest[^g3]. I was a resident of the Old Emperor City—the place in Phantásien where those end up who fail to return to reality. That’s why this book would become a homage to *The NeverEnding Story*—and a story about the attempt to return to reality after all. And in doing so, I hoped to finally live up to a second Life Purpose Statement I’d never quite understood: **"I am the wanderer between worlds, who heals both worlds."** Let’s continue with [[Step 2 - Why This Story Matters to Me]]. --- [^g1]: A combination of autism and ADHD [^g2]: A location from *The NeverEnding Story* by Michael Ende—inhabited by former human travelers who never found their way back to the real world. [^g3]: A topic that many autistic people dive into with early, intense, and sustained focus, often monologuing about it regardless of the listener’s interest. ![[Links & License#^c7e67d]]